Song of the Day (2/28/06)

I'll do this every so often for songs that have earned the stamp of approval from me.

Take it Easy - The Eagles (1972)
From their self-titled debut album



The song, for those that aren't aware, has put Winslow, AZ on the map. I drove through the small desert town several years ago and stopped to get gas. While inside the gas station it was painfully obvious that everyone in town knew of the song and its lyrics.

If you don't believe me, check out the assorted merchandise found on this Winslow website:
http://www.standinonthecorner.com/mdse.htm

"I'll have that amp!"

It really does get old coming into work every day and dealing with murders, shootings, stabbings, rapes, fatal wrecks, and crazies.

Thankfully I sometimes come across some very humorous cases that entertain me to no end. Several of these have earned inclusion in my Hall of Shame.

(There is no real "hall". I just stuff the info in my desk for later use.)

Here are 5 cases from the Hall of Shame to explain why I enjoy this line of work. I'll leave the names and law enforcement agenices out to protect the innocent.

This information comes directly from law enforcement reports.

Case #1: "On 2/05/06 I was dispatched to (address withheld to protect me from lawsuit) in reference to indecent exposure. Upon arrival I spoke with (victim #1) and (victim #2) who stated a black male who lives on (wouldn't you like to know) in a white house walked into the roadway in front of (victim's home) where (victim #1) lives and pulled his blue jean pants down and shook himself while they stood in front of the door looking outside at him. I took both females to the house they said he lived and identified him as the suspect...Subject appears to be mentally unstable."

(If I was arrested for indecent exposure I would claim to be mentally unstable too.)

Case #2: "On Friday (husband) came by (law enforcement agency) to report his wife missing. (Husband) was concerned that his wife had not returned home since Tues, Jan. 31, 2006. (Husband) advised his wife has a crack cocaine problem and has left in the past. (Husband) was more concerned about the return of his rental car, which he put her as a driver on, than he is about his wife. (Husband) does not know what (wife) was wearing when she was last at home. (Husband) did say (wife) possibly had her wedding rings and a necklace she may have pawned."

(So for the record, rental car > cocaine addicted wife. That was a 'greater than' sign for the mathmatically challenged.)

Case #3: This was the narrative at the bottom of an arrest report - "Stole 1 pack of coctail weenies from Food Lion. Total value $2.99."

(Never steal coctail weenies. I've always said that.)

Case #4: "On date and time reported, I spoke with (victim) about a break in at his residence. He stated that on Tuesday 1-04-05 (suspect) was at his residence trying to buy an amplifier from (victim). (Victim) refused to sell the amp and (suspect) was heard saying "I'll have that amp".

(I can totally see this guy with a maniacal grin on his face and rubbing his hands together ala Mr. Burns from The Simpsons. "Eeeeeeexcelent.")

And the winner is ...

Case #5: "(Witness) and his son were out walking in the river beside his residence and found approximately 20 bundles of "The Star" newspapers. They had apparently been thrown off the bridge on Stony Point Road into Muddy Fork Creek.
A sub-carrier is suspected. The Star has been notified and is going to pick up the trash. They will deal with their sub-carrier."

(Apparently our paper is so good that even fish are reading it now.)

I'm sure the Hall of Shame will continue to grow as the months pass. I just wanted to share the entertainment value of working in journalism.

Apparently John Kerry had the Mommy Squirrel Vote

Yeah ... I dare you to look at that picture and not laugh.

A friend of mine sent me an e-mail Tuesday with a link plugging this book. Political affiliations aside, this is hilarious.

The title alone opens itself to ridicule. I could see a whole line of books like this. I predict the second book in the series will be "Why Tommy has Two Daddies". I imagine that family being badgers. Don't ask me why, it just came to me.

The real title of this book should read "Your parents want you to think the same way they do so they shelled out a few bucks to buy this book, knowing that the cute pictures will be more than enough to brainwash you into believing one political party is far and away better than the other".

I guess that might be too long for a book title, huh?

A testimonial on the site (which I feel uneasy about mentioning; it's http://littledemocrats.net/index.html) from Erin White-Johnson of Bakersfield:

"A wonderful story to show my son what REAL moral values are."

Yes, REAL moral values are only displayed by those who think like you politically. Moron.

Ricky Steamboat in Shelby

I'm not one for having my picture taken with famous people so I instead offered to take this photo for Officer Shannon Porter of the Shelby Police Department.

The other man in the photo, for those who aren't aware, is legendary retired wrestler Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat. Steamboat was a big name wherever he worked but was especially popular in the Mid-Atlantic area during the 1970s and 80s. He retired due to injury in 1994.

Steamboat, now a WWE talent scout, was at the Shelby Rec Center last Friday to help train several young pro wrestlers trying to gain the experience to move up to the next level. This photo was taken after the training camp but before that night's wrestling card, during which Steamboat briefly appeared.

This might be the best time in my life...

So I’ve been thinking about something the past few days.

I recently had a conversation with a friend in which she remarked that, sick of the responsibility of the real world, she would go back to kindergarten if she could.

Now me, I hardly remember kindergarten (1984-87 is kinda hazy due to all the illegal substances I was abusing at the time) but looking back now I seem to recall a very restricted environment in which everyone ate together, took naps together, and had story time together. Sounds kinda like a hippie commune now that I think about it.

No me gusta. Too many restrictions.

When I was in college (a whole 9 months ago), looking back on high school and knowing what I know now I would hate to have to go through that all over again. I’m sure most that have gone through the high school experience would agree that it’s very class driven. The cool kids, the jocks, the nerds, the thespians. It’s kinda like prison in which it’s probably in your best interest to join at least one of those groups so you’ll have backup in the event someone tries to steal your pudding cup at lunch.

High school, to me, is a very complex community crammed within one small building. College is a very complex community spread across several miles. I preferred the latter.

I loved college for the simple fact I could do whatever I wanted. Wake up in the morning and have a stuffed up nose? I wouldn’t want to get anyone else sick so it might be best to take the day off. Did your new favorite movie just come out on DVD today? Time for a midnight run to Wal-Mart.

And now that college is over, that’s more or less still the rule. I haven’t had any frivolous sick days but the freedom I enjoy now is such a welcome change from the restrictive yet responsibility-free environment of kindergarten and even high school.

What I’m noticing over the past several weeks is, now that I’ve become accustomed to my job here at The Star, I think going back to school at this point would be a difficult change (and grad school is never out of the question). College was great but how I spend my time now just seems so much more important than going out to the bars on Friday night (not that I’ve given that up on that entirely).

Honestly, how do you go from covering a murder to waking up at noon because you don’t have class until 1? Seems like such a step down.

I’ve been so wrapped up in the inner workings of Shelby since arriving back in October that reverting back to my relaxing time spent in college would definitely take some getting used to.

I guess I’m glad that I don’t sit around and complain about my life and wish I could go back and do things over again. I’m not sure what it says that every time I enter a new stage in my life, while thoroughly nervous about the change, I eventually land on my feet and find my niche. I’m just thankful that things end up that way and I don’t preoccupy myself with the past.

High school was fun and had its moments. It’s over, done, finished. Time to move on. College was a lot more fun. But that, again, has come and gone. Now I’m at The Star. For how long? Long enough for me to learn what I need to. And after then? No clue.

I’m not complaining. After all, the best part about the future is not knowing what’s next…