"I'll have that amp!"

It really does get old coming into work every day and dealing with murders, shootings, stabbings, rapes, fatal wrecks, and crazies.

Thankfully I sometimes come across some very humorous cases that entertain me to no end. Several of these have earned inclusion in my Hall of Shame.

(There is no real "hall". I just stuff the info in my desk for later use.)

Here are 5 cases from the Hall of Shame to explain why I enjoy this line of work. I'll leave the names and law enforcement agenices out to protect the innocent.

This information comes directly from law enforcement reports.

Case #1: "On 2/05/06 I was dispatched to (address withheld to protect me from lawsuit) in reference to indecent exposure. Upon arrival I spoke with (victim #1) and (victim #2) who stated a black male who lives on (wouldn't you like to know) in a white house walked into the roadway in front of (victim's home) where (victim #1) lives and pulled his blue jean pants down and shook himself while they stood in front of the door looking outside at him. I took both females to the house they said he lived and identified him as the suspect...Subject appears to be mentally unstable."

(If I was arrested for indecent exposure I would claim to be mentally unstable too.)

Case #2: "On Friday (husband) came by (law enforcement agency) to report his wife missing. (Husband) was concerned that his wife had not returned home since Tues, Jan. 31, 2006. (Husband) advised his wife has a crack cocaine problem and has left in the past. (Husband) was more concerned about the return of his rental car, which he put her as a driver on, than he is about his wife. (Husband) does not know what (wife) was wearing when she was last at home. (Husband) did say (wife) possibly had her wedding rings and a necklace she may have pawned."

(So for the record, rental car > cocaine addicted wife. That was a 'greater than' sign for the mathmatically challenged.)

Case #3: This was the narrative at the bottom of an arrest report - "Stole 1 pack of coctail weenies from Food Lion. Total value $2.99."

(Never steal coctail weenies. I've always said that.)

Case #4: "On date and time reported, I spoke with (victim) about a break in at his residence. He stated that on Tuesday 1-04-05 (suspect) was at his residence trying to buy an amplifier from (victim). (Victim) refused to sell the amp and (suspect) was heard saying "I'll have that amp".

(I can totally see this guy with a maniacal grin on his face and rubbing his hands together ala Mr. Burns from The Simpsons. "Eeeeeeexcelent.")

And the winner is ...

Case #5: "(Witness) and his son were out walking in the river beside his residence and found approximately 20 bundles of "The Star" newspapers. They had apparently been thrown off the bridge on Stony Point Road into Muddy Fork Creek.
A sub-carrier is suspected. The Star has been notified and is going to pick up the trash. They will deal with their sub-carrier."

(Apparently our paper is so good that even fish are reading it now.)

I'm sure the Hall of Shame will continue to grow as the months pass. I just wanted to share the entertainment value of working in journalism.